Not a good day

Today was not a good day.  For starters, I didn't do my workout.

I need to learn, over this next year, to do things for myself and not let what's going on in my life distract me from my goals.  That is what happened today.

I had a rough day at work.  On top of that, I still have that feeling that something is going on behind the scenes that I am not totally aware of, so the constant unknown is a consistent stress factor in my life.  We are undergoing a lot of upper-management changes right now, but my paranoia about my own job has set in too.  I'm hoping I'm just being dramatic, and everything will settle into place, but there is still that part of my brain that nags me.  I really need to learn to shut it off.

At the very end of my long day, I found out some extremely troubling family news.  By the end of several long phone conversations, all I wanted to do was go home and curl up.  Of course, now that I'm home, I'm itching to run, but left my bag at work.

I have to learn to put myself first in this goal, and not let myself get distracted.  I am serious about this, and when I mess up on a task, I beat myself up over it.  Of course, that's no good either and I'm hoping I will find a great balance and peace with my new goal.

I did have a couple of wins today, even if not many.  As a self-proclaimed Diet Coke addict, I have been trying to incorporate less Diet Coke and more water.  Today was another successful day of that.  I had a glass of soda on my way to a meeting, and then refilled my tumbler the rest of the day with water.  In my world, that is awesome!  I got out of my office as much as possible to walk around, and didn't take the elevator at all.  Climbing steps counts for something, right?  Finally, I managed to make nutrition choices.  When rushing back to work after a downtown meeting, I realized it would be my only chance to grab lunch.  Normally, I would just skip it all together.  However, I know fueling my body is important right now, and the best choice for my health overall.  The downside?  I only had McDonald's to choose from.  I decided it was better than skipping, and went for a plain hamburger and apples, instead of my normal go-to combo. 

These might be small wins, and by far not what I expected my day to turn out as.  But the year is long, and I will have many let-down days.  As long as I made some good choices throughout the day, one's different from my normal choices, then I will give myself half a check mark and look forward to tomorrow.

Up tomorrow?  How about that run I skipped today?  And some swimming :)

Day "One"

A little backstory, for myself, if no one else:

I grew up swimming.  It's my passion.  My career is in aquatics, and it's where I have always felt comfortable.  My senior year in high school, after quitting all sports to have social time, I realized I had horrible knees.  By the time I was 20, I had 4 knee surgeries.  One of those didn't take, and will eventually need to be corrected.

Fast forward to 2009.  I shattered my ankle.  I had surgery to fix it.  But realized, in a time I had no insurance, that my surgery did not fix my ankle, only the break.  As pins are displaced, and I learn I have little cartiledge left, I resort to cortisone shots.  I am determined these will be sufficient.  With 24 pins and 2 plates in my legs to hold them together, I want to be more than a swimmer.  I want that runner's high.  I've never ran for fun.

Fast forward two more years.  I get my first "big girl" job.  I meet the man of my dreams.  He's athletic.  I'm broken.  My first big job?  At a YMCA, where I'm surrounded by fitness.  I swear to myself that I will beat out these so-called surgeries I need, the pins that hold me back, and will strengthen my legs to a point where they are unnecessary.  I try to enter races and pick up running again.  I fail each time as I overwhelm myself. 

I have decided I will run the 2013 Walt Disney Marathon...12 months away.  My loving boyfriend is my trainer, as he has already ran a marathon and other races.  My first week in training I slopped through my workouts given to me, pretending to be Superwoman.  If I am to accomplish this, I need to get myself on track and realize my limits.  All of my habits need to change; eating, over-indulging, over-working, etc.  If not, I am doomed to be disappointed just like my earlier attempts to learn to run. 

I can swim for hours; I love the workout.  I am fortunate for this, but I long to be a runner...maybe eventually a triathalete.  I know I have to buckle down and take these workouts more seriously.  I am hoping this will help.  Up tomorrow?  Run 15 minutes.  No distance, no pace.  It's one I've done several times already this year, but this time?  I'll record the whole day and my feelings. 

Only 12 more months until my marathon....

Here is to making me more than a swimmer, but a runner too.  Bum legs and all.